I've been thinking lately about the guilt I sometimes feel whenever I start assuming that certain aspects of my life are being lived wrong. I don't think this is a case of my conscience doing its job to save me from a life of degradation and squalor, rather it's the "Not Good Enough" program that I've heard from childhood, now in syndicated re-runs in my brain. Most days it's what keeps me from being truly joyful and at peace, and it's been playing a marathon the last few days.
It starts out with the "if only" introduction: If only I were more...smart, consistent, holy, loving, pretty, well-dressed, organized, erudite, well-read, cheerful, outgoing, involved in outside activities, able to leap tall buildings at a single bound...then I'd be Good Enough. Or, if only I were less....stubborn, unforgiving, moody, solitary, inclined to prefer chocolate over other food, lazy, a homebody, opinionated, flippant, a teller of bad jokes, afraid of intarsia knitting...then I'd be Good Enough.
Then it kicks into a detailed account of one of the above "if only's" and makes a convincing case for any shred of truth it can find in its chosen topic.
So I've been thinking about all this and wondering how to preempt that programming with something a little more realistic and affirming. Something like the "Reality Check" show. Today it might go something like this:
"Not Good Enough" the longest-running program in this or any brain, brings you "You Need to Get Out More". Today we'll discuss the fact that you haven't really been anywhere of substance and you rarely do and when WAS the last time you had friends over or went to see friends, or do you have any friends left anyway????
~~~WE PREEMPT THIS PROGRAM WITH A SPECIAL PUBLIC SERVICE BULLETIN~~~~
It's "Reality Check" Time:
It's the first full week of January and we've just had 6 weeks of holiday activities, gatherings, and an out-of-town trip. On top of that, your daughter has a nasty cold and shouldn't be out and about breathing on people or taxing her strength. PLUS, you have plans to do multiple field trips with the kids and your friends and their kids for the rest of the month, as soon as your daughter is feeling better. So relax and pick up that knitting and remember, God loves you, just the way you are!