Be glad it's only five

Someone recently forwarded to me a very worthy email, all about choosing to have a good attitude and deciding to be happy.

At the bottom of the missive was a list, and if you are a regular reader of this blog (it's possible---there could be someone!) you may have noticed that I have a penchant for lists.

So here is the list from that encouraging little email....

Five Simple Rules to be Happy:
1) Free your heart from hatred.
2) Free your mind from worries.
3) Live simply.
4) Give more.
5) Expect less.

While the average person may read this (heck, since it was one of those notorious forwards, chances are EVERYone has read it!) and be inspired, nay, strengthened in his or hear daily existence, I however find it only leads me to compose my own list. Perhaps due to my streak of cheeky sarcasm, exacerbated by lack of sleep and too much PG Wodehouse...whatever the reason, here are my very own...

Five Easy Rules for Complicating the Simplest of Endeavors

1) Muck about with your Netflix queue so that instead of a witty, urbane romantic comedy, you end up with "Barney: Shake Your Dino Tail" for a date night movie. (No apologies to Barney)

2) Promise to knit something for someone, but only after you have UFO's (for the non-knitter: UnFinished Objects) on every pair of needles you own. This works best if at least 2 UFO's are for rapidly approaching birthdays, and the newly promised knitting has a very short deadline.

3) Decide to homeschool, then surround yourself with public school teachers who moonlight as truant officers and curriculum experts. Extra points here for having teachers who are directly related to the children in your homeschool. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...)

4) Spend a morning creating gingerbread houses with the kids. Add lots of candy and frosting, then leave them on a 3-foot high table. Go out of town for the day. Leave the dog in the house. Enjoy coming home to clean up what she DIDN'T eat; really enjoy the fun groaning sounds she makes for the next several hours.

5) Paint your nails before leaving the house for the kid's dance practice, thinking you've got adequate time for the polish to dry. Arrive at the studio in time to wire plastic leaves on real trees (it's a recital prop, of course!) for 2 hours. For maximum impact, wear a knee-length skirt that makes it impossible to crawl over scenery.